How to Get Your Wife to Throw You a Party
March 26, 2019
This may come as a bit of a surprise, but birthdays and college campus’ aren’t the only times and places for perhaps questionably-themed parties. The depths of the Internet will reveal that much, but it doesn’t take too much searching to stumble across one of the hottest and most hilarious trends staking their claim in the party scene — vasectomy parties.
“What!?” was probably the first word that sprang from your mouth at first glance, but you most certainly read that correctly.
As those married couples with one or two too many kids (you’ll never admit that to your beloved babies, of course) are well aware, there’s sometimes nothing more perfect than a party to unwind from a seemingly unending week of work and watching (okay, chasing after) a house-full of the tiny versions of yourself. But, what if your next party was an all-out celebration to commemorate your third, fourth, or fifth little one being your last?
I’m talking to you, fellas.
Your wife has given you the family of your dreams, so after all of that, it’s time for you to take one for the team — worry not, though, the vasectomy party that’s sure to follow will make the minimally-invasive procedure well worth it.
Weird, sure, but way more fun than you imagined
Imagine walking into your beautiful home, only to see it packed to the brim with white balloons that are certainly suggestive of little swimmers, along with a few dozen blue and pink balloons. You know, the kind one would typically have on hand for a gender reveal party, only these blue and pink air bubbles brandish the semen version of the Ghostbusters logo, which, of course, symbolizes the relieving reality that you’re finally done bringing boys and girls into this world.
Hesitantly, you let a laugh slip, but you’re starving so you make a bee-line beyond the balloons and on into the kitchen.
Your jaw drops as you see your kitchen table and counters smothered in genital-related snacks. It’s at this very moment that you realize how crafty and creative your wife can be when she’s thankful you took one for the team and got the ole’ testes snipped.
It’s remarkable, really.
You’ve set your sights on a pupu platter of penis-related snacks such as mini sausages, trail mix that’s mysteriously without nuts, Ding Dongs, eclairs minus the filling, and white chocolate covered apples that look eerily identical to the little swimmers you’ve since said goodbye to.
Each bite is a bit awkward, sure, but few things are more enjoyable than finding ways to laugh at your own pain.
You’re more of a bourbon man, yourself, but for this particular party, your wife has bought what appears to be a lifetime supply of Fireball, because, of course, not even the liquor can be without a ball joke. But she isn’t letting you settle for the ordinary shots — not in the least bit. Here comes your happy with a foot-long shot glass gun, only when she squeezes the trigger, the little liquor dispenser shoots blanks, because, of course, again.
Full and buzzed, it’s only now that you notice the newly acquired ping pong table positioned on the patio. What better way to say balls voyage to your little swimmers than to smack a few balls against the wall? Just keep a safe distance if your wife gets a little too slap-happy because she’s probably waited for this day for a long while.
As much as you may hate you admit it, the idea of such a hilarious celebration has you oozing with curiosity. How can I come home to my own vasectomy party? You ask yourself.
We’re glad you asked.
If you’re intrigued by the idea of having a vasectomy in Austin, Texas, one quick and comforting call to the Austin Urology Institute, will get you on the path to a world without swimmers, and maybe more importantly, an insanely-fun vasectomy party. While Austin’s own Dr. Shaw is widely renowned for his proficiency as a leading urological cancer surgeon and prostate cancer surgeon in Texas, his expertise extends across the entire urological field, which includes the minimally-invasive world of IUD’s and vasectomies.
An award-winning urologist in Austin, Texas, Dr. Shaw and his professional staff have performed thousands of safe, affordable vasectomies in the Austin area, and there’s a reason a small army of men of sought out Dr. Shaw for their North Austin Urology needs.
Experience that Can’t Be Beat
For starters, not only is Dr. Shaw’s urology experience as vast and respected as any urologist in the region and the state, but when it comes to such a sensitive procedure, Dr. Shaw’s savvy with the da Vinci Surgery System makes the short procedure as minimally-invasive as any man would wish. All of this while enjoying the Austin Urology Institute’s state of the art, comfortable procedure table, along with a flat-screen TV with a choice of programs to keep your mind off things.
You probably, have some questions, and understandably so. What are the chances I contract a vasectomy infection? How long until I can be back home comfortable on my couch? What if I change my mind a year or two down the road?
Worry not. Only a mere two percent of vasectomies produce an infection and our averages at the Austin Urology Institute are even more minimal. And speaking on minimal, your minimally-invasive procedure would take approximately 15 minutes, so you’d be back in the comfort of your home within hours. And should plans change down the road and you feel its time for your family to grow, you can reverse your vasectomy with a return trip to the Austin Urology Institute.
But keep in mind, raising a child costs nearly a quarter of a million dollars, while a vasectomy will run you only around $1,000. Would you prefer a Ferrari in the garage or an 18-year-old in the basement?
That choice is simple, and when you make that choice to proceed with a vasectomy, your wife will say “snip, snip, hooray!” for a number of reasons, but, of course, afterward, you’ll be rewarded accordingly with an awesome party.